All is not lost—how we’re raising our kids to live in H-A-R-M-O-N-Y with their technology
Looking back, I feel fortunate that my wake-up call to digital wellness came early—when my now 12-year-old daughter was just a baby. My digital burn out forced me to reevaluate my habits and create a healthier relationship with technology.
Over time, I've made some intentional choices that still serve me well today: wearing a watch so I don't reach for my phone just to check the time; stashing my phone away in a cupboard most of the day; relying on an alarm clock instead of my device; and steering clear of social media altogether. These little tweaks have been game changers, keeping me digitally well—most of the time! Email, I’ll admit, remains a tricky temptation. But strategies like removing email from my phone, having a work-only device, and using the ‘work offline’ feature in Outlook have made a big difference.
Over the years, I’ve met countless parents wrestling with their own tech habits and, more importantly, worrying about how to guide their kids in this hyper-connected world. It’s a topic that’s gaining traction, thanks to shows like I Am Ruth (Kate Winslet) and Adolescence (Stephen Graham), which shine a light on the effects of a digitised life on young people. Schools are stepping up, too, teaching kids about safe and healthy digital behaviors. Plus, movements like Smartphone Free Childhood are helping parents rally together for real change.
Our family faced a big crossroads last September when my daughter started secondary school—would we get her a smartphone? Since her early years, we’ve been fostering a digitally harmonious household. We’ve talked openly about the pitfalls of out-of-control tech habits while nurturing her media literacy skills, showing her how technology can enhance rather than overwhelm. Ultimately, we decided to give her a smartphone—with strict limitations on functionality and some helpful tools to guide her screen time. So far, so good.
If you’re a parent or carer navigating similar waters, my H-A-R-M-O-N-Y acronym shows you how we manage it and offers actionable advice for fostering a healthy, balanced relationship with technology in your home. Here goes…
H - Have conversations – Technology isn’t the bad guy in our house. My husband and I are pretty open about our own tech habits. We’ll talk to the kids about how scrolling through newsfeeds can sometimes affect our mood, or why we’d rather leave our phones behind and head out for a walk together. We try to get them thinking about how technology might be influencing their lives too—like why the ‘next episode’ button on Netflix is so tempting and tough to ignore.
After school, there are days when the kids just want to lounge and play games on the iPad for a couple of hours—and honestly, we get that! They’re not starved of screen time in our house, but we’re intentional about paying attention to how they’re using it. We’ve found that talking to them about this helps, especially when we explain why too much of anything isn’t always the best idea. It’s all about helping them understand and learn to strike that balance.
A - Amount of time – When we decided to give our daughter her first smartphone, we set it up using Google Family Link. It’s a brilliant tool that lets us limit her daily screen time which we have set to 60 minutes. Once her hour is up, the phone stops working. At first, with the novelty of having her own phone, she’d often use up her allowance. But these days, she hardly ever does.
When she and her 9-year-old brother are gaming or watching something, we always set a timer and give them a ten-minute and five-minute warning before it’s time to switch off. It’s a simple approach that helps everyone know where they stand.
We’re also very mindful of our own screen habits. Our phones live in the tea and coffee cupboard, and we only take them out occasionally to check them. I’ve become a big fan of batching tasks—when my phone’s tucked away, I jot down what I need to do on paper. Then, when I take the phone out, I tackle all those tasks at once. It’s a fantastic way to cut down on aimless scrolling and make sure my screen time is intentional. Here is a blog post I’ve written all about batching your phone time.
R - Relationships – we are very conscious of making sure technology is enhancing relationships and not getting in the way of face-to-face time. To do this we keep our devices away when we are together. Whether we’re having a meal, watching TV, or playing outside, the phones and tablets stay in the cupboard. That’s not to say we’re sat around knitting all day—far from it! Technology can be great fun, and we’re big fans of using it in ways that bring us together. We’ll play online games, listen to music together, and even have the occasional dance-off using Just Dance on YouTube. We’re working hard to find that sweet spot where tech brings us closer, not further apart.
M - Mindful use – It is so easy to scroll and get lost in the rabbit hole. We all have those junk food apps that we can’t resist but that make us feel a bit off if we spend too much time on them. By having our devices out of sight we have got into the habit of not scrolling – and using the batch pad means when we do go online we’re using tech with real purpose. When it came to our daughter’s smartphone, we wanted it to be useful but not too enticing. The time limit has been a big help with that. She gets an hour a day, and that’s it. As for the functions, they’re kept pretty straightforward—she can call, text, message her friends on Just Talk Kids, take photos and videos, listen to music, and play a simple brick game that’s all the rage at the moment. It strikes a good balance for her and works well for us too. This will evolve as she gets older and she knows she can talk to us about how its working out for her at the moment.
O - Out in the open – As our daughter gets older, she’s spending more time on her own in her room. Shows like I Am Ruth and Adolescence have done a brilliant job of highlighting the risks young people face when they’re accessing online content in the privacy of their bedrooms. We’ve got a simple rule that works well for our family and has been agreed on as the healthiest approach for us all —all tech activity happens in the living-dining room. Whether it’s watching something on laptops, scrolling through phones, or gaming, it’s all done in this shared space where we can keep an eye on what’s going on.
My husband and I are also careful not to hide our own tech use. It’s tempting to sneak off for five minutes to the loo with the phone just for a bit of peace and quiet—but I try hard to avoid doing this. We’re encouraging a more intentional attitude to technology and showing the kids that there’s no shame in using it. I much prefer doing admin tasks on my laptop instead of my phone though, as it feels less secretive and much more open. Of course, there are times when the rules can bend—like when I’m planning a surprise or buying someone’s birthday presents!
N - Night time – Our devices head to bed long before we do. Everything gets switched off at 8pm, and the phones are tucked away in the cupboard. We stick to a 'downtime' rule from 8pm to 8am. Now that my daughter has her own phone, we’ve added another rule—no checking phones in the morning until we’re dressed, have had breakfast, and have our shoes on, ready to head out. Of course, there are times when the rules have to flex, but we manage to stick to them 99% of the time. It’s a simple routine, but it makes such a difference.
Y - Your behaviour – Setting the tone for your family around healthy habits goes so far. I truly believe that if we want our young people to have healthy digital lives we need to lead by example. It’s the same with what we eat and how we keep ourselves fit. It’s very much “do as I do” in our house. We are very mindful not to contradict ourselves and tell the kids one rule for them and another for us. Yes it’s hard in a world where we could be on screens 24/7 but making small adjustments like the ones I’ve suggested will really help you as a parent or carer to show your young people how they can live in harmony with their technology. And being open to adapting how we do things as the kids grow up will hopefully help us keep it harmonious for years to come.
To compliment the work I do in supporting employees to have healthy digital behaviours at work I am now offering training to help them in their home life. This training is relevant to everyone regardless of their home situation. For more information, or to get some specific advice about your own digital wellness please get in touch at laura@laura-willis.com